Notification Fatigue – what can parents do?

By Madeline Sibbing, Educational & Developmental Psychologist

In 2023, we were living in a post-COVID world. One in which we had begun to rely heavily on virtual ways of doing things– virtual meetings, virtual work teams, online shopping, online gaming, virtual greeting cards, wedding invitations, even virtual currency!  And let’s face it, not much has changed.

As a parent the virtual world and its associated bleeps, pings and notifications is real. And in 2023 I was. OVER. IT.

The pressures of trying to run a business and manage a family, while receiving endless notifications was doing my head in! And I’m not even a huge social media user (no, I still don’t have Tik Tok)!...Facebook, Instagram, emails, text messages and two of the biggest culprits….Linkedin and WhatsApp.

Oh the endless WhatsApp groups…..every child’s activity, every school, every combination of child’s friendship group seemed to have their own WhatsApp group. I know what you’re thinking “just silence your notifications!”. Yep, tried that. And missed out on knowing for nearly 2 hours that my parent had a serious medical emergency.

I started to think I was the only one dealing with it – in fact, I even thought I had coined the phrase “notification fatigue”. Turns out I was NOT alone, plenty of others out there were experiencing the same thing and had even coined better catch phrases – like “infobesity”!

Infobesity, notification fatigue, notification overload or whatever you choose to call it, is a serious issue for productivity.  Every time a notification interrupts you, your brain stops focussing on what it was doing and shifts to something else. In fact, some research has shown that it can take around 23 minutes to re-focus after each interruption!  

So in 2024 I have taken a stand. I have set up systems to manage my ‘infobesity’ and would love to share them with you. Interestingly, as I have put in effort to manage the overload, I have noticed my stress levels decrease significantly, which is by far the biggest reward of all.

I’ve done a deep dive and come up with the following top tips for managing your digital notifications in a virtual world:

1.          Sift your ‘essential’ from ‘non essential’ notifications

This is a common one reported by many experts – and I can confirm that it works! I’ve prioritised – for example, my family WhatsApp group is pretty important so I don’t miss any more medical crises…..but I can silence a whole heap of others.  Or, I can choose to check them only once a day when I have time. Alternatively I can divide them up with my partner – some can remain essential for him but non-essential for me and vice-versa.

2.         Let go of the FOMO!

I’m a social person – I love the memes and hilarious banter that occur in online groups and I do hate to miss out! But reflecting on what this engagement really provides me with has been a helpful exercise. Is it enabling me to make deep, real connections with people? Or is it surface level interaction that just sits there, going no further? And what’s the cost-benefit analysis of engaging in the banter vs focussing on my work tasks during set work hours?

So when I catch myself staring at those 3 dots on a text message exchange, waiting for the dopamine hit of a funny response I have started to remind myself to “let it go!” (Sorry parents, but a Frozen quote never goes astray!).

3.         Train those around you

This is one of mine – the way you choose to respond (or NOT to respond) can help others learn from you.

For example, I find it increasingly frustrating that school notifications pop up outside of school hours, bleeding into family life. So when I’m in charge of the WhatsApp group I actively try to avoid messaging people outside of work hours. I’m not perfect and have probably slipped up before, but I try hard to stick to my own rule -  for my sake and the sake of all the other families I’m connected with.

When they don’t pick up on subtleties, some direct training is required.  I have been known in some chat groups to make it clear that I will only respond once a day or after a certain time in the evening. This is not me trying to control the chat, everyone is welcome to post when they please! It’s simply my way of demonstrating to others that I can’t be available at any time and will respond in a reasonable, but not immediate manner. In doing so it also enables me to respond in a more measured and thoughtful way…..sometimes even with a smarter and wittier piece of banter!

4.         Create a physical barrier

Sometimes when all else fails we just need to throw our phone in the bin….just kidding! But we can create a physical barrier that means we are truly preventing those pesky notifications from diverting our attention during focussed time. Put your phone in another room. Turn it upside down. You could even (gasp!)….turn it off! Don’t worry, you can always turn it on again!

5.         Be mindful

I know you’ve been waiting for me to say “be mindful” – typical psychologist speak! But let’s stop and reflect on what’s most important to each of us in our lives. Be it our family, friends, pets, connection with nature, engagement in activities that give us zest and energy…..it’s different for every one of us. Is responding to chit chat and notifications bringing us the same joy? And if not, how can we implement some of the above strategies to enable us to engage more fully and meaningfully with our world?

For most of us it is those connections and fulfilments that make the world go round.

And let's not forget that, as parents, our kids and teens will absorb everything we do. Do we want them to watch us and consequently learn to become slaves to their notifications as they grow? Let's try and show them that we can manage our technology....that it doesn't manage us!